Saturday, May 1, 2010

Sweet Eyda

     A few days ago I went to a mamak restaurant to enjoy my dinner.  At the same time the tv programme, 'Bersamamu' was on.  It was about two clever girls who could not gain more education due to family financial problem.  So, an organisation sponsored to educate these two girls who are just four and five years old.  The sad part was they had to be apart from the family and was taken away.  They were crying and kept saying wanting to stay with their mother.  


     I was being a naughty and bad mother teased my first and second daughter about putting them in a boarding school if they do not want to study at home.  My second child is the emotional type.  She was happily eating her fries until I kept whispering in her ears saying how much I will miss hugging and cuddling by her side.  Miss calling her name and teasing her.  Then suddenly, tears flow on her chubby cheeks and it was 'raining heavily'.  I had to hug her and comfort her, telling that I will not let her go.  The poor thing tricked by her mother.  


     This poem was written for her when I was admitted in the hospital, with only the corner of the newspaper for me to scribble, while waiting for the big moment. 




Waiting For The Moment


Today I sit and wait for the time,
for you my dear, to forever be mine.
My heart beats fast, like cars in a rush,
waiting to hold you  and your hair I can brush.
Whose eyes do you have?
Whose face do you resemble?
I cannot wait to know
The suspense makes me tremble.


The sound of your cry
is song to my ears.
The moment you arrive,
my eyes full of tears.
You are my joy.
My forever pride.
When you open your eyes,
I'll be by your side.
So do not be afraid,
not even feel sad.
For I will always love you,
nothing more to be said.


Written on 11 March 2003

Monday, April 26, 2010

Hush, hush..



Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat
And if that billy goat won't pull,
 Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.



Hush, hush.. don't cry.  Wipe that tears away.  Someone out there still cares.  It's difficult to please people.  Sometimes when you do good deeds, people misjudged you.  Or sometimes people make use of you.  Sincerity.  How do you know what is really in someone's heart?  Could they praise you for your good work?  Or perhaps the praise is merely a gimmick.  We can never impress everyone.  We can follow but there are times when we must stand up straight to defend ourselves.  We can laugh but not all jokes are taken seriously.  Some may not be funny at all.  We can ask but not all can give us the correct answer.  So the person we should really ask is perhaps ourselves.  And most of all, when we are down.  Who will come and who will go?  Who lifts you up and who pulls you down?  Friends. No.  You are your friend.  Only you know who you are.  Only you know what you want.  And only you can open your heart again.  Hush, hush..

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Fireballs and Rainbows

     The feeling of losing someone you care still lingers in my mind. Yesterday our school recited the yassin and did a little bit of donation for two students who had lost their parents this last few days.  Indeed it is a sad moment.  The thought of death is not an everyday issue that we would like to talk about.  However, this last few days, my heart was and still feeling gloomy and sad.  I could not imagine the children losing the love ones at a very young age.  I love kids and thinking of the world today frightens me.  Look at the newspapers and news nowadays.  We hear and read about babies thrown in almost all places they wish to throw.  Whether it's the dustbin, drain, toilet, rivers, anywhere.  What is happening to the world today.  Some people have difficulty in conceiving and having a baby is a dream come through.  Yet others can easily do all these crimes without feeling remorse or guilty.
     Kids are a blessing from Allah.  I always thought my kids as my treasure.  They are my gold.  They are my wealth.  However, Allah is great. All human beings are given chances and opportunities.  If someone is not given the chance to have offspring, it is merely because Allah has greater plans for them.  For those who abandon their children or have the heart to hurt them, they should know. Kids are kids.  They sometimes make you laugh.  Yet sometimes they make you cry.  Sometimes you can even be like a volcano, waiting to explode.  But the joy they bring is a gift beyond your imagination.  Think of the time we had them inside of us.  Feeling them kicking and stretching, the morning sickness.  It might not be a merry-go-round but it sure gives you quite a spin.  Not forgetting the fun of caressing your belly and seeing it grow.  It is just a work of art, a work of Allah almighty.
     Then, when the miracle happens, when you first lay your eyes on that small little arms and feet, your first touch as they cuddle in your arms.  Those are the greatest feelings and the most wonderful experience any mother could have.  Remember the time you have to wake up in the middle of the night just to feed them.  How you move back and forward just to make them sleep again.  And sometimes it is you who sleeps first.  You might feel tired, you might feel angry or even stressful but it was worth it.  The magic of their growth, their first step, their first word and the way they look you in your eyes asking for love, comfort and forgiveness, how could a human being be so cruel to torture such innocent being.
     Parents and children. We are the same.   A baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult, a mother or a father and if given a longer life, perhaps grandparents.  Everyone will go through it.  It is just a matter of time.  When you think about it, I might be that little baby who cried a lot and made my parents tensed.  I might even be one of the problematic teenagers who just want to be free from adults.  And as an adult now, am I that perfect?  Nobody's perfect.  Now as a mother, I might even be like my mother whom I rebel during my younger years.  So who are we to judge people.
     Child, be thankful now, for you will grow.  And adults, remember who you are before and soon to be.  Life is indeed a journey.  A journey of climbing the highest mountain.  Along the path, we will come across all kinds of obstacles.  Sometimes we get lost in the woods but we will never give up hope.  We look back on the past but we still move forward.  For the past is only a guidance, so we will remember not to make the same mistake and plan for a better future.  Sometimes we choose the wrong path but with faith, Allah will bring us back on track.  Although we go through that difficult times, we have to stop for a while to feel the breeze blowing, to smell the flowers in the field, listening to the chirping of birds and admiring the beauty that lies in front of our eyes. Life must go on.  And with patience, courage and hope, as we reach the mountain, we know we made the right choice when there is still a rainbow waiting for us on the other side of the mountain.  And life is still a very long journey to experience!!!